Losing Kontrol

I am a control freak.   In fact, my husband lovingly likes to call me Kara the Kontrol Freak (replacing the K for the C in "control" somehow makes this funny).  And you know what?  I'm okay with it because it's true.  I realize I like things a certain way and can be bossy....okay, very bossy and a little bit (okay, a lot!) of a micromanager these days.  In Pre-K, my teachers used to call me "Mother Kara."  That's when I was four years-old people!  Thankfully, these bossy, controlling and micromanaging tendencies can be managed, otherwise, I would have no friends and animals would scurry away at the sight of me.

One of the things my son is teaching me, even in utero, is that I really don't have it all under control.  Quite frankly, I thought I was having a girl early in my pregnancy, and then BAM!  We found out week 20 that we've been blessed with a son.  Thinking about how to deal with penises, morning erections and the strong probability that I will be cleaning up pee around the toilet floor for many years to come completely caught me off guard.  Of course, I am now over the moon excited about the prospect of developing the age-old mother-son bond, but this was definitely lesson #1 that I am NOT in control.

I am a planner.  Naturally, babies teach you that you can plan all you want, but ultimately you're operating on their watch.  Only 5% of all babies arrive on their due date (ours is January 14).  This little guy is keeping us on our toes.  Lesson #2 that I am NOT in control.

I am persnickety about modern home interiors.  What does this mean for a soon-to-be-new-Mom?  I hate to say it, but discomfort.  Almost all modern furniture, while beautifully showcasing clean lines and minimalism, lacks in the cozy and practical department.  Case in point: If you read the post about my nursery design, you will see that I ordered a Herman Miller Eames Rocking Chair and was pretty stoked about it.  Classic design, durable, aesthetically pleasing to the eye....but, have you ever sat in one of these puppies?  It's made for an oompa loompa.  No joke.  Yes, an oompa loompa would be very happy sitting in this chair, rocking the night away.  I am 5'8" and my knees were up to my ears sitting in this thing.  I just couldn't stomach the vision of my son in my arms, enduring hours of discomfort while attempting to justify this purchase, all in the name of good design.  Hell, if it doesn't meet your needs, then it's not good design.  Sigh.  We had to return it and I've now opted for a modern, yet comfortable, glider/ottoman combo from Mitchell + Gold.  Still aesthetically pleasing, but this purchase demonstrates that I'm embracing the shift to a Mom mindset.  It's a slipcover that can be washed in the likely event that it becomes soaked in spit up, pee, poo, snot, throw up or a combo of the five.  Lesson #3 that I am NOT in control.

And there are all these things that have yet to happen (like the actual birthing and labor process!) that will show me that I am NOT in control and my perfectionist tendencies aren't welcome...that in fact, they can be a real hindrance. So many times we parents feel that we have to impart all this wisdom to our kids, that the pressure is on us to set the example and get it right, but they're here to teach us about ourselves and learn those important karmic lessons.  Letting go, accepting imperfection and finding joy in the everyday is already something my son is attempting to teach me.  Although I can be a dunce of a student and slow to catch on at times, I am immensely grateful for this little Buddha.